Whew … What A Relief!!

By Alex Nimby on Sunday, February 26, 2012
Filled Under: Education

The link below will take you to a page where it explains how a Supreme Court ruling last month has impacted the way the FBI conducted some of its business.

In a soiled nutshell, the FBI claims to have turned off some 3000 GPS units it was using (illegally) to track people in their vehicles. Well at least they are trying to turn them off.

The FBI is in a bit of a pickle because a recent Supreme Court ruling in U.S. vs Jones said that warrantless installs of GPS units were illegal. Some 3000 GPS’s were apparently installed this way, but the irony is that in order to legally turn the damn things off the FBI would have to get a warrant (why does it say turn them off rather than remove them?) … or they would be breaking the law again by accessing the vehicles which the court ruled is private property even though they may be parked in a public place.

This was all recently revealed in a San Francisco conference aptly called “Big Brother In the 21st Century”. I wonder how many FBI agents were in drag at that one.

Oh what a tangled web we weave …

Here’s a strategy that might have been more practical and probably a lot less costly to get the GPS’s back. The FBI presumably have a list or db of all of the people they were tracking along with all their personal info … one important piece being their phone number.

Why not just phone the person up and say something like: This is the FBI calling and we’d like to ask you to do us a favor. You see,  we placed a GPS unit on your vehicle with license number bla bla bla and we did it in good faith and everything and have collected some really good stuff on where you’ve been and we especially like the night you met up with the group of college cheer leaders, but that damn Supreme Court has tripped us up by  ruling that we should have had a warrant to install the GPS to track your vehicle.

Now we are stuck trying to get the GPS unit back because we can’t touch your car again without a warrant and that’s such a pain in the ass for us. Could you please crawl under your car, and on the inside of the frame under the driver’s door you should find the unit. Please remove it and send it back to us at the address I’m going to give you.

Have you got a pencil handy? Good. Please press the little red button on the unit to make sure it’s turned off and then wrap it carefully in a box with some bubble wrap and send it to Federal Bureau of Investigative Screwups. 6969 Humpyouover Drive, Unit Betterlucknexttime, Quantico for Chumps Virginia, 99999

We are sorry for this inconvenience and promise in the future to be much more careful how we illegally collect evidence against you to wreck your privacy and now somewhat happy life as painlessly as possible. Thanks for your help and have a nice day.

Follow this link for more details of the story:


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